Wherever you go, there you are

I’ve spent many years moving from place to place.

I left Los Angeles to go to college in Pennsylvania. I left Pennsylvania and moved to Montana. From Montana, I backpacked New Zealand and some of Australia. Once I was back stateside, I bounced around five states in seven years.

It started as an insatiable hunger for adventure. To get out of the “bubble” everyone says LA is, and experience places that were much different yet charming in their own right. I loved it. I met people with different worldviews, ate food I’d never heard of, and experienced life outside my norm.

What started as a lust for adventure turned into a search for happiness. A mission that would never find success. You see, you can bounce from state to state, even travel the world. But at the end of the day, one thing rings true…

Wherever you go, there you are.

I had heard this before, but never really understood its true meaning until recently. I thought that people who say that just don’t understand. They don’t value new experiences and would prefer to stay in the familiar. They don’t understand being brave, taking the plunge, and boldly walking into the unknown.

I thought I was such an adventurer. Easy breezy. Go with the flow. Someone who enjoyed the challenge of starting over. And, to an extent, I am that way. However, time and self-reflection often paint a much more real and honest picture. I realized that I was long past being an adventurer and was now just truly lost.

Every time I started to get settled somewhere, something would come up, and it was time to hit the road. Sometimes my concerns were valid, but then there were times that seemed like I was grasping for any reason to pick up and move.

By the time I made it to Austin, I could feel myself looking for reasons why this wouldn’t be a good fit. Rather than being open-minded, I looked around for reasons to dislike it here. Oddly enough, the universe was showing me that this is where I’m supposed to be, even if I didn’t want to see it.

For example, I found a home that was exactly the number of bedrooms and bathrooms I wanted, in a fantastic location and neighborhood, at a price well below market value.

I started my own business and immediately had a handful of clients ready to go.

The people I’ve encountered here have been truly kind. I couldn’t believe my neighbors actually wanted to say hi, get to know one another, and look out for one another. That was not the experience in my previous location.

So why wasn’t I willing to allow myself to settle in and enjoy? After thinking about this for the past year, I realized that I was looking externally to fulfill internal voids. I didn’t want to face the reality that it was time to step up to challenges I had been avoiding, make choices I didn’t want to be responsible for, and be in charge of my own happiness.

I would go so far as to see others in my exact position and be bold enough to analyze their choices, judge them for needing external validation, and have the audacity to say, “Yeah, she’s lost, but I’m different!” LOL! The people around me probably thought I was a lunatic. Deep down, I knew I was too.

I finally decided to lean into that saying. Wherever you go, there you are. It’s true. I am here, and I’ve finally taken charge of myself. Of course, as soon as I decided to do that, other major pieces have been falling into place.

While I sometimes feel foolish for taking so long to take agency over my life, I know that I’ve always been where I was meant to be. The lessons I’ve learned in the past seven years have shaped my view of the future and where I’m going. They were necessary teachers that I am now grateful for.

So if you’re feeling lost, directionless, and looking to new faces and places to validate your existence, know that the only answers that will ever be meaningful are the ones that are within you. Think about your life from a truly real and honest place, because you can live anywhere you want, but you’ll always be living with you.